I was just thinkin'....

Couple of things I've been stewing over:

When we headed out of the podiatrist office on Tuesday, the elevator doors opened up down the hall and a young woman and her parents blew past me, knocking my purse off my shoulder and plowing over my grandmother.  I was immediately offended, here I am walking down the hall, grandmother in one hand, 4 year old in the other....and we're run over without a thought....We get into the elevator only to have the woman and company panic when they realize the office they are heading to is on another floor.  She hurries back to the elevator (which we are now stepping into), I'm trying to get situated and open the door for her.  By the time she gets in she's very flustered, her mom is trying to calm her down....and Katie and Grandma and I are kinda dumbfounded.  The woman starts rubbing her face frantically, pacing in the elevator and some poorly chosen and inappropriate words fly out of her mouth.  Her mother warns there's a child present and she apologizes just as the doors open....she says, "I'm sorry, I just don't want to miscarry this child," and she steps out of our lives.

Grandma and I went to social security today.  The lobby was interesting to say the least.  All three of us were "wanded" by the security guard....even the Raggedy Ann doll my daughter was carrying.  We sat in the lobby after asking a few of the "regulars" what the routine was....eventually, a man called us back.  He was very polite, he was sorry for our loss and then proceeded to ask questions about grandpa to verify his identity, his time in the military, his place of birth and death and marriage.  Lots of numbers were passed back and forth.   Poor grandma sat in a daze, sometimes blanking on obvious dates, so I'd fill in the blanks when possible, or just verify with a nod or a squeeze of her hand.  Grandpa served stateside in WWII, he was a plane instructor and that's also were he discovered his love of teaching.  He said that he felt it was his duty to educate the men on their planes as best he could so they could do their missions, and get back home.  He was a farmer, an educator, a counselor, a father, a grandfather, a great grandfather...uncle, cousin, friend, brother.....and at the end of our interview, they said thank you very much and closed his file.  That was it.....his entire life boiled down to two simple pieces of paper, but mostly just a number.....Grandma and I walked out of the hectic office, kind of in a fog.  We were both emotional....it was so strange to have a man who meant so much to us and to his community seem so insignificant.

And then I have one more thing I've been thinking on.  Two of grandma's bridesmaid's in 1943 were Dorothy and Hazel.  They continue to be very close friends to this day.  This year, is the 20th anniversary of Dorothy's husband's death.....it is the 10th anniversary of Hazel's husband's death.  When Hazel's husband passed, Dorothy sent her a card and a very touching note....a few days ago, grandma received that same card.  The very same card Dorothy had sent Hazel 10 years ago, with Dorothy's note and an added note from Hazel.....Hazel said, "I've saved this card for you, just in case."  Ten years....ten years she saved that card, in case her best friend needed comfort.  The intentionality and care and thoughtfulness tears me up.

I am still struggling to understand why these instances keep plaguing me.  Maybe it's the value of relationship.  I wonder about the woman in the elevator....the "regulars" at social security....and I cherish good friends, and I pray for all of them.  And while I don't know what will happen with the people I run into on a day to day basis, I'm softened by this experience...and thankful for it.  You just never know what is happening in another person's life, and why their rush, might be a little more important than your own.

I am homesick for my friends and family at home.  It's been wonderful to be here with grandma this week....I want to remember everything about her.  The way she walks, her little phrases she says under her breath....I want to capture her very essence and I know it's because right now I feel terrible because I can't remember every little tiny thing about my grandfather.  I remember plenty, but I wish there was more.

I feel very thankful for my family at home.  My girlfriends and sisters who have stepped up to take over life for me when I had to serve somewhere else.  I am so grateful for my bond and while I'm anxious to get home, I'm a little more anxious to leave grandma.... We have plans for Thanksgiving, but that feels forever away.  I want to ease her pain, ease her grief, but I know I can't protect her forever- she will have to face it and it's always sooner than you think.  Thank God she has friends that thought of her 10 years ago and still think of her today....sisters to be with her too.

This feels like a bummer of a post....but it's a big ol' nasty, stinky bug in the lettuce and I had to dig it out...I'll laugh more next time.  I'm sure grandma will have a good campfire girl song for me today or something else to shove down the garbage disposal...and I'll write it down, so I don't forget. :)

Thanks for putting up with me....H :)